my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
