the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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