whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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