You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she looked like the before picture.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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