Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
