You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
