we're chasing vodka with high fives
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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