: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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