Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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