hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
