My cat gives me a boner
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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