Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We need to get me chipped asap
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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