she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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