Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
