I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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