Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
