I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
