overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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