Are we in a gay sports bar?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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