Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
