part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
