Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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