Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
