oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
