how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
