do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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