remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize