i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
