his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
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This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
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Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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