Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
