How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
