Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
