Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
