Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
