it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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