Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
