a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
