I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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