Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I wish there were birth control emojis
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
