Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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