As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
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He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
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I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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