Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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