I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
