yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
