I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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