They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
