Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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