best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
