If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize