Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
