Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
As shirtless as possible
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
