I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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