Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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