Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
he just fucked me for my cheese.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
