I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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