all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
