I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
