woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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