I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
