My nipple is on Facebook.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
