Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
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he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
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we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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