Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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