I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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