Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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