Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
