there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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