I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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