I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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